Original post - https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/yn1Z4WdffN
New update - https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/oT5EnuSACK
I wasn’t originally going to make an update just because like I was getting into specific detail about my life and I didn’t want anyone I know in real life to find it. But I will because… I don’t know why actually. I guess I just got some really good comments. I posted this about 7 hours ago and I cannot believe how many people have responded. I don’t know if I could ever say thank you enough to such thoughtful strangers on the internet.
So originally my plan was to tell my doctor and my SIL, maybe my brother but I wasn’t looking forward to discussing those details with him. I rescheduled my weekly appointment with my doctor for tmr. I know some people said I would be able to just walk in but I didn’t want to do it and then have make some excuse to my husband. The comments made me realize the severity of the situation and honestly I am terrified.
So I called my SIL when she got off work and we had a really long conversation. I mentioned in the comments but my SIL and brother have never really liked my husband, especially my SIL. She was very supportive and kind and we talked for a long time.
I guess I can admit now that it wasn’t just sex, it was rape. We talked about that more than anything else.
And she cleared the whole confusion thing up very quickly. I told her a lot of the things my mom excused because she likes my husband, and my SIL was livid. I guess I kinda knew she always would be which is why I never told her. She ended up telling me to talk to my doctor and she will talk to my brother and we will see what’s going on. She said she will come down on the soonest flight, but my brother cannot come yet because they do have children of their own. I was content with that though, and my appointment with my doctor is tomorrow.
So my husband got home kinda early and saw how I was upset. I really was planning on getting myself together before he came home but I did not have time. Still, I was not going to tell him anything but he was being so kind, which he really usually is (I know that’s hard to believe but it’s true) but today especially he was so kind and so worried about me. I know it was stupid to explain the situation but I did. I don’t know why. I’m just used to telling him my problems I guess. It was a mistake and I know that. I am really trying not to be so stupid anymore but it’s hard to switch from thinking about him as my loving and caring husband to my husband who is hurting me.
So I told him that, and how he hurt me and honestly I am scared now. He was like “what, how?” I said by forcing me to have sex, by literally forcing my legs apart and telling me to “calm down”.
He was like “oh my f*cking god, don’t f*cking say that. That’s a crime do you understand that? Do you understand you just accused me of martial rape?” And pushed me away from him. I started to apologize, and he started to say it was okay and do that thing where he acts like I’m dumb again. So I finally like yeah actually, I really do understand that now. It isn’t right and it is martial rape. It resulted in a huge argument, once again. He called me an idiot for even daring to say those words. I called him an abuser and he literally laughed. He was like “who are you talking to, you don’t know what you’re talking about” and started to go on and on about things I “don’t know about”. He said sex with his wife isn’t rape, no matter how you split it.
I ended up trying to just walk away but he grabbed me by my wrist. I snatched my hand away and he held up his hands was like “oh I’m sorry, I’m sorry, that might be considered battery of a pregnant woman, if we’re going by your definitions”.
The condescending tone is what really drove me to the edge and I told him I don’t want to be around him. He was like fine, I’ll go. I said no- I wanna go. I want to be away from you. He threw the credit card at me and told me to go get a hotel then.
So I did. And here I am, typing this now. And my SIL is on her way right now but I am so far from okay. He’s called me several times but I won’t answer. I’ve never seen him that angry before. I am slightly concerned what he will do if I genuinely tell him I want to leave and take the baby. He is the one who wanted to have a child, and I was convinced. It won’t let me take her easily and that terrifies me. Every time my daughter kicks I just wanna sob. I never thought that my own baby would make me cry like this. But I am just so scared.
(also I am just now opening this pdf everyone linked but it’s already making a lot of sense. thank you very much for that)
